White Darkness
by DarthAnimus
Summary: Saguru thinks he is slowly losing his mind. Is his insanity only skindeep or is he as lost as he thinks? eventual shounenai
1. Observer

**Observer**

Hakuba Saguru observed the criminal infront of him. It had actually surprised him aswell when he had realized who the culprit was from the clue that had helped him solve the case.

The woman was only about five years older than him, awfully young and beautiful with raven hair. Why she would do something so extreme as taking another's life was beyond common understanding. She seemed to be such a kind and balanced persona.

"Mrs Daymore, why did you do it?" Saguru asked carefully. The woman turned her hazel eyes to his own.

"I don't know", she said. "One day I just woke up and wanted to do it. It took some planning but now he's finally dead."

"Criminals don't have good reasons", an officer said from Saguru's right. The blond decided to ignore the comment.

"What did you feel when you did it?" Saguru questioned with a gentle smile. Daymore's eyes widened, she apparently had not expected anyone to ask her that.

"Relief", she replied simply. "He will never again treat me like a posession. I was so sick and tired of him showing me off in all those fancy parties and then sleeping around with whoever he pleased."

"You couldn't have hated the guy enough to actually kill him?" the inspector leading the investigations asked.

"Yes I could", the woman said strongly, sternly and completely sanely.

"It's right for you to feel that way", Saguru said suddenly, startling everyone that had been listening to the conversation. Mrs Daymore looked at his face, trying to find salvation in his smile. But Saguru let the smile slip since it had never been a real one, just a mask to break the woman's mask.

The woman's eyes widened in terror when Saguru let his face slip into the expression it really wanted to hold. He showed the woman the darkness people like her had left behind in his soul before speaking: "It's the fact that you acted on those feelings that is unforgivable."

"W-Who are you?" the woman questioned pitifully. "**What** are you?" Frightened tears came to the corners of her eyes as she pleaded: "S-Stop looking at me like that!" The murderer crumbled and broke down completely, all the while screaming: "Don't look at me!" over and over again.

Saguru whirled around and stalked out of the room. He heard the officer from before speak to the inspector: "That kid shouldn't be allowed to the crime scenes. He's already broken."

&&&&&&&

Saguru looked at his reflection in the hotel room mirror. Tomorrow he would continue on his way. He still had many places to visit before returning to Japan. He still had many crimes to solve and many other culprits to put in jail.

The corner of the mirror had a crack, a damage caused by one of the former guests. No one knew who was the one to do it and it was so small that no one bothered to change the mirror into a new one.

_"That kid shouldn't be allowed to the crime scenes. He's already broken."_

"I'm not broken", the detective argued with his mirror image. "I'm still in one piece. It's only a few cracks."

_"**What** are you? S-Stop looking at me like that!"_

"Like what?" Saguru questioned, staring at his reflection with the same look he had given the woman. The look of complete dismissal, an emotionless face that everyone he met hoped to be just a mask.

Shaking his head he thought about her other question.

_"What are you?"_

With another fake smile Saguru spoke to his reflection, like it was the woman from before. Seeing the hazel eyes in place of his blue eyes he whispered: "I'm an observer..."

_**To be continued...**_


	2. Show Business

**Show Business**

"The criminal is..." Saguru trailed off, knowing that it was expected of him. These people wanted this to be entertaining and they expected him to offer them that entertainment. It was like he was a showman and the people were his audience.

Saguru whirled around, as gesture everyone had been expecting but gasped at none the less. Interested 'ooh's broke out from the crowd of people as he pointed at the middle-aged man that looked much like his father in appearance and finished: "You."

The man's face twisted in rage and disgust. Saguru doubted the man realized that it only made him look as ugly as the demons of folklore. Saguru no longer saw a kind man, all images of the man he missed gone as he walked over to the strager and pulled out a computer hardrive disk.

"This disk holds waterproof evidence of you taking part in the drug smuggling business", Saguru said. He waved the disk in his hand, taunting the man with a smug smirk on his face. "Looks like it's game over for you, Mr Thornmill."

Enraged, Thornmill attempted to launch at Saguru, an act both the crowd of people and Saguru had been expecting. Saguru should have been hit and then stagger backwards so that the man would think he could escape. Then Saguru was supposed to break his exit. But it had been a long day and Saguru was tired of games.

Thornmill never reached either Saguru or the disk as the detective stepped to the side, completely avoiding the attack. He brought his elbow to the back of the man's head, knocking the criminal unconcious.

As the police officers made to grab the knocked out culprit, Saguru knew the crowd was expecting him to say something cryptic or wise. They wanted him to say something they could recite to their friends, bragging about how they got to see the high school detective Hakuba Saguru solve a case.

With a sigh Saguru handed the disk to another officer, the man thanking him for a job well done. Saguru turned his gaze to the people circling them. He knew he could not let them down. This was what he was born to do. Making others believe that the world was still a good place, even though he hated it with all of his heart.

"For every person wanting to break the law, there are ten wanting to stop him", Saguru finally said and, as expected, the crowd began clapping their hands. Saguru whirled around and marched out of the room. To the the crowd of people and police officers it seemed like he was off to save more people, to him it was something entirely different. He knew that he was running away from the truth, from what he was.

_**Owari**_


	3. Nothing Left

**Nothing Left**

"I'm doing fine, father", Saguru spoke to the phone while sitting in a chair in his room. "No, I've had no trouble at all. The cases have been simple."

Only a few months ago Saguru would have been glad to hear his father's voice but now, as he listened to the missed tone, he felt absolutely nothing. With a bitter smile that could not be seen from the other end Saguru spoke: "I miss you too."

It was a shameful lie and Saguru wanted to hate himself for it. But he just could not find any traces of the emotion in question. With a softly spoken goodbye he turned the phone off.

"I want to feel", Saguru whispered to the empty room. With a pale imitation of rage the teen started pulling the drawers on his desk open. A flash of red caught his eye.

Saguru's hand closed around the object as the blond pulled it out. Carefully he clicked the blade out as he stared at the unused switchblade. A small bead of sweat ran down his top lip and he licked the salty droplet off without thinking about it.

'Even feeling pain is better than this', the blond decided and pressed the blade to his wrist. 'How feminine of me.'

Suddenly the blade dropped to the carpet as only few drops of blood trickled down a pale hand. Saguru's eyes were locked on the still open drawer. There was something else in there. Something that had been right under the blade.

With shaky hands Saguru picked up the newspaper clip. It was the first one he had saved. The first clip of Kaitou Kid's second appearance.

For some reason watching the clip caused Saguru's chest to hurt. There was still something left of his emotions and that something hurt him more than cutting himself ever could.

Something hot was running down Saguru's cheeks as he grabbed his cellphone once more. He needed to get on a flight to Japan as soon as possible. It was about time he returned.

_**To be continued...**_


	4. Break What You Touch

**Break What You Touch**

Saguru glanced out the window of the airplane. The sky was completely dark and as the detective glanced to the horizon he could not see where the sky ended and the sea began.

Reaching up Saguru clicked the light above him on. There was a Sherlock Holmes novel on the seat next to his own. He had not read it in a while and he had thought that the flight would have been a good time for it.

But for some reason he was not in the mood to read. He once again looked at the window but this time he could not see through it anymore, because of the light. But he was not even trying to observe the scenery. He was looking at his reflection. Once again his head was filled with Mrs Daymore's horrified voice and screams.

_"S-Stop looking at me like that!"_

"What did she see?" he questioned himself as he absorbed the details of his face. All the pleasant smiles and disrespective glances were a mask, someone he used to be. Before he had realized how dark other people truly were. How dark he truly was.

"Is that what you saw?" Saguru spoke in barely a whisper as he looked into his eyes, into his soul. They were as empty as everything about him.

"Did you see my darkness?" Saguru turned away from the window and shot a quick glance at the still untouched novel on the empty seat next to him. He then leaned back and stared at the ceiling with unfeeling eyes. How long had it been now? How long had the seat next to him been empty, rhetorically speaking?

"How many times has that happened already?" he muttered. "How many times have I completely broken a criminal? Surely my darkness isn't that deep?" He turned his head to the side, glancing at the dark plane.

"I wonder..." were Saguru's last words before he turned the light off and drifted to sleep.

_I wonder what Kid would see? Would I shatter even him? Or could he be the one to finally cure me and turn me back to who I used to be?_

_**Owari**_


	5. Cure Me

**Cure Me**

When Saguru walked inside the classroom 2-B the rows of students grew silent. Saguru could feel all eyes on him as he made his way to the teacher. He quickly apologised for being late and flashed her one his most charming smiles, a fake one and a shadow of the ones he could give only months ago.

But like so many other people the teacher took at as it seemed and forgave him easily, saying that Saguru'd had a long journey and it was not the end of the world if he was a bit late.

That was when Saguru heard the door behind him slide open. There was panting and a familiar voice breathed out: "Sorry I'm late. There was awful traffic."

The detective turned around and locked eyes with Kuroba Kaito, also known as Kaitou Kid. He had not changed at all from when Saguru had last seen him. For some reason, when Kaito smiled Saguru felt like he had never left in the first place.

An unbidden smile made its way to Saguru's face when Kaito stepped into the classroom. If Kaito was surprised by this he never showed it.

"How was it in England?" Kaito asked pleasantly, completely ignoring the teacher.

"Horrible", Saguru gasped out as tears came to his eyes. Now Kaito's eyes widened. He apparently had not been expecting that.

Unable to hold himself back Saguru closed the remaining distance between him and the magician, wrapping his arms around the lightly smaller body.

"I became someone else. I couldn't feel anymore. I-I-I..." Unable to continue Saguru only sobbed into Kaito's hair, holding the other boy close. He could feel again. Just seeing Kaito had given him his heart back. He would never leave the other boy again. Not as long as he lived.

"I think Hakuba's jetlag is worse than he thought", Kaito said trying to get his words heard by the teacher.

"Oh! Of course!" the woman said hurriedly. "Please escort Hakuba-kun to the nurse's office, Kuroba-kun."

"Right away", was the brunet's reply as he started leading the blond out of the classroom. It was after the door had been closed and Kaito had taken him down the corridor for some time before Saguru could talk again.

"Stop", the blond said, willing his voice to stay calm. "I'm fine now."

Kaito simply nodded before asking: "Want to tell me what brought this on?"

"Before I left", Saguru started and he could see the pain in Kaito's eyes. "I didn't mean any of it."

Kaito's eyes widened.

"What?" he choked out. "None of it?"

Saguru shook his head and then replied: "It was all a lie. Your kiss didn't bother me at all. I actually enjoyed it."

As if to prove his point Saguru leaned down and brushed his lips against Kaito's own. He was broken out of the mood by Kaito's voice: "What brought you around?"

"I told you already", Saguru said weakly. "The England trip. I thought I was losing myself and my mind. I was certain I had gone crazy when I saw you again."

"What did I do?"

"You made me realize I could still feel. I was happy to see you again." Saguru wrapped his arms around Kaito, continuing to pour his heart out to the other teen: "You cured me."

There was a light hearted chuckle from Kaito and Saguru felt himself be complete when the brunet leaned upward and planted a soft kiss on his lips.

"I'm ready for your confession", Saguru said truthfully. "This time I won't run away."

Kaito smiled at him softly before speaking: "You're hopeless." His tone was playful but turned serious as he continued: "I love you."

Saguru squeezed Kaito tighter against himself as he replied: "I love you too. Don't ever leave me."

"Wouldn't even dream of it", Kaito assured him. "Not after experiencing you leaving me."

Again, tears began streaming down Saguru's cheeks. But this time they weren't tears of desperation. They were tears of perfect contentment. He realized that it did not matter if he was dark, because Kaito had enough light for the both of them.

_**The End**_


End file.
